Some of the following has been exaggerated for humor and not intended to hurt anyone. I have learned that if you can’t laugh in health care you are in the wrong profession.
For the most part this is entirely true.
I hope you enjoy this.
To my nurses and especially my nurses aides- I truly thank and appreciate all of you.
Thank you all for helping me get back to me. (almost)
Ode to Nurses
Do you have any idea what goes into being a nurse. Unless you are one or are a nurses aid, you have no idea. I included all nursing in this note. LPN. RN, GN, NA. If you do any kind of nursing, this is aimed at.
I included nurses aid’s in this group because they deserve to be here. Not just because of all the shitty jobs they do (no pun intended) but because of how much they do. Imagine if there were only RN’s or LPN’s to do the job of an NA. Okay now you get my point.
Please, it is not because they can’t, it’s because they have no time.
Somehow, I found myself on the other side of the curtain. I knew that I shouldn’t be there but how do I leave. Maybe I should have told someone? No, that wouldn’t have helped. In unfamiliar territory I needed to get to where I belonged. Of course I chose the place where everyone knew my name. There is comfort in that. Although, there is something to be said for facial ambiguity.
Since I was there, I did what I came to do. I pulled the ER buzzer. I have done this many times before in the past but always for one of my children or my husband, never for myself.
I was welcomed to the ER by a handsome man with a warm smile. He lead me to a bed and covered me with a cozy blanket. That was nice. He asked me a serious of questions that I answered to the best of my ability, started an IV and took some blood. A few minutes later the Doctor came to see me. I expected him to be much more jovial than he was, but rumor had it that he had been up the night before with several patients. I guess that was understandable.
He determined prior to the return of the blood work that I was dehydrated and needed IV fluids, which I had been started on. What he didn’t guess was that I had a potassium of 2.8, when normal low is 3.5, he said, “Your Stayin”. Who was I to argue. I was sick, cold, weak, achy, and very thirsty. Maybe hungry but I wasn’t sure. I hadn’t eaten in the past 4 or so days, so I didn’t care much.
I was taken to the floor and admitted. I have never been admitted to a hospital for something real before. Umm, let me rephrase that. I have never been admitted to a hospital for anything other than having babies. Once there I was given a nice, clean bed and warm clothes. I thought about sleeping but that didn’t last long.
I think when you go to the hospital you should treat it almost like camp. Six-thirty every morning some person goes down the hall with this chair scale on wheels, (what?) and it’s like a parade. There must be two of them and they are made of heavy metal. Then several others grab the BP Cuffs on wheels and go their way. Let the hoo-ha begin. It’s just like camp. A mans voice comes over the loud speakers, “Goooood Morning Patients its another beautiful day at your favorite Hospital”. I really hate that guy.
Then there is a knock at your door.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap
“are you awake?”
“sure,” I say.
Door bangs open.
“Good! I was hoping I could squeeze your arm until it hurt, make your finger glow in the dark and shove this plastic stick under your tongue. After that you can go right back to sleep but breakfast will be here soon.”
All of that and the noise from the spectacle in the hall, just keeps getting louder.
As if! I wasn’t going to get any sleep with Mr. Across the hall hacking up a lung or Mr. TV through the wall blaring old western music. It was all too much. Sleep is overrated anyway. At least, that’s what my mom says.
You get out of bed to pee and if your lucky, you can go unassisted, only to find that your seat is covered by upside down hats? Really? Oh yes, really. They have to measure every drop that goes in or out of your body. And if your really special they may even need a stool sample!
That was when I started composing the Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda, Here I am at Camp...but I digress.
I’m not even sure how I got sick. As a mom, you can’t get sick. It’s the law. Besides, all moms have ansicma. It makes us immune to all things “yuck”. It’s our natural ability to fight the good fight. Maybe my powers have worn off. The only thing that can bring you down is the Scitzamitafita. Now, the only way to get this is to ignore the rules that come with this awesome power. We have to be real careful not to over do it. We have to try not to be Super Mom (I know, she’s great, right?) We all want to be her. BUT...we can’t. (hang head,sniff)
I mean, ya she’s pretty and all; husbands drool...a lot. BUT...Have you seen the horrible diseases some of these women get when they try to be a supermom. I tried it once and it got me the Scitzamitafita. It’s powerful and especially bad when brought on by Clunckaduncus.
So for all of you mom’s out there, be careful. Tis the season for sharing snot. Bye a hand sanitizer and spray your best friend before you share more than a hand shake.
Beware of the Clunkaduncus.
To be perfectly honest with you this story makes me tired...for the nurses and nurses aides. I could never do what they do. That was pretty much how my nights went while staying there but I was treated with respect and cared for the way I needed to be. I think in a lot of places nurses are overworked and I can tell, even more so here. A patient, who was not an employee, would not have noticed anything. I notice the stress in the face. The frustration in the eyes. I would have gotten up and helped except I was pretty sick and they wouldn’t let me. The point here and I do have one. I have worked along side nurses for almost 20 years. There is a rule somewhere written a long, long time ago that nurses and pharmacist were not suppose to like each other. Well, I never was much for rules. Whoever wrote that and those that practiced it, must not have ever been a patient. For their sake I hope they never are.
NURSES ARE ANGELS
THE REASON THAT BELLS ARE USED TO SUMMONED
NURSES IS BECAUSE ONLY ANGELS ANSWER BELLS.
Thank you to all my Angels